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| by Roger T. Pipe |
April 1, 2001
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| I know what you're all expecting, but you're not going to get it this year. It's been a tradition to celebrate April Fool's Day with a fake column. While it's always a lot of fun taking tiny grains of truth and turning them into fun rumors, this year's column is going to be the truth, the whole truth and nothing but the truth….mostly.
The rumors have been flying about Silvia Saint, but this month the official retirement announcement was made. Stating that she has returned home to the Czech Republic, Silvia has called it quits. Her official announcement denied rumors that the sudden departure had anything to do with her rumored relationship with Mr. Marcus.
Alexa has only recently dropped her last name and become a Wicked Girl, yet she is already looking for greener pastures. Word on the web is that Alexa is ready to hang up her leather skirts and try her hand at other things. Wicked has lost a few contract girls who will be hard to replace, but I don't know if Alexa has been around long enough to be missed.
With some rosters shrinking, others have to grow. Jill Kelly has signed another star to a contract. Tabitha Stevens is the most recent JK Girl. Joining Jill and Haven. Tabitha makes a trio of blondes now under contract. With a number of high quality productions already on the shelf and the family growing every day, things just keep looking better and better for JKP.
Later this month, the XRCO (X-Rated Critics Organization) will announce their annual awards. Since this is my first year as a voting member, I plan to attend the show and give you all a full report. Some of the categories for the seventeenth annual critics awards include the following.
FILM
Dream Quest
House Of Sleeping Beauties
Jekyll & Hyde
Les Vampyres
Watchers
VIDEO
Buttman's Toy Stories
Dark Angels
In The Days Of Whore
M! Caught In The Act
Raw
DVD
All Star
Dream Quest
Raw
Virtual Sex With Tera Patrick
White Lightning
STARLET
Alexa
Brianna Banks (Mirage)
Cassidey
Jessica Drake
Tera Patrick
FEMALE PERFORMER OF THE YEAR
Jewel De'Nyle
Bridgette Kerkove
Krysti Mist
Serenity
Ava Vincent
MALE PERFORMER OF THE YEAR
Mr. Marcus
Rocco Siffredi
Randy Spears
Evan Stone
Nacho Vidal
DIRECTOR OF THE YEAR (BODY OF WORK)
Nic Andrews
James Avalon
Michael Raven
Paul Thomas
Thomas Zupko
UNSUNG SIREN
Jessica Darlin
Monique De'moan
Jade Marcela
Shelby Myne
Gwen Summers
UNSUNG SWORDSMAN
Tyce Bune
Chris Cannon
Erik Everhard
Joel Lawrence
Pat Myne
ORGASMIC ORALIST
Alexa
Brianna Banks
Monique
Alexandria Quinn
Inari Vachs
ANAL QUEEN
Chloe
Jewel De'Nyle
Bridgette Kerkove
Kristi Myst
Monique
TEEN DREAM
Allysin Chaines
Gauge
Anne Howe
Tiffany Mason
Aurora Snow
NEW STUD
Dale Dabone
Dillion Day
Jack Napier
Lee Stone
Voodoo
WORST MOVIE OF YEAR
Camp Erotica
Kid Vegas: Trenchcoat Pornographer
Ninety And Naughty
Kris Kramski's Porno
Watch Me Camp Bitch!
With yet another volume of her "Under the Cherry Tree" complete and ready for release, rumors continue to swirl that Cherry Mirage may be looking to ink a new deal. Recently, the perfectly busty babe has been getting a lot of attention, even landing a pretty serious acting role in a VCA project. Where will she end up? Only time will tell. However, I did hear a little birdie say that Cherry will star in the first volume of a new line of cheerleader solo videos. Stay tuned for more.
Nakita Cash has finally decided to give dick a chance. After a few dozen movies with other women, Nakita finally let a guy have a crack at her crack. Evan Stone was the lucky guy to pop her on camera hetero cherry. Of course, the next day, Evan's lady, Jessica Drake finished off what he started, proving that you can lead a chick to dick, but you can't make her keep licking.
"Teenie Boppers", an Eric Allen vid scheduled for release in January from Metro, then postponed, has apparently been cancelled. The reasons given for the original delay were utter industry line bullshit, but fit in nicely with the Cambria-list hysteria. Feeding off the anti-bush sentiment, Metro is hyping this movie as too controversial for release. I saw the movie, even reviewed it and liked it. However, to call this too controversial is as laughable as claiming that the Bush White House was reason for holding it back. All of the laws that may cause Metro to change the title on this one have been in place for a few years and were passed under the last Administration (And remember the CDA had the full support of Al Gore) and caused a number of Max movies to alter titles. (Hardcore "Jr College" Schoolgirls ring a bell?) If you can find a copy of the movie, pick it up, it's good, but please, don't believe the hype or the political sour grape bullshit.
When Rob Black announced that he was running for Mayor of Los Angeles, a lot of people laughed. After all, he runs a porn company, runs a wrestling company, has fucked on film, is engaged to a former porn star and has zero political experience. After watching he collection of politicians backbite and pad their own questionable resumes, I have to say that Rob may well be the best alternative in the bunch. To paraphrase an old saying, if you want to stink less, hand around a fertilizer plant.
The Extreme team is down one director this month with the release of Brandon Irons, AKA Alek Hydell. After taking over the Extreme Teen line and bringing up the gross-out factor with his Slap Happy movies, Brandon appeared to one of the hot new directors with Extreme. However, things didn't work out, making the split amicable but inevitable.
Speaking of directors and new lines, the Lexington Steele movie, "Balls Deep" from Anabolic has been getting rave reviews. Lex has proven he can take his on screen talent and translate it to behind the scenes magic. Another director from the Anabolic/Diabolic stable is putting his own twist on POV sex. Mike John has released "A Perverted Point of View" where he bangs some of porn's hottest beavers, giving us his view of the events and letting us fuck vicariously through him.
I know, before I sign off, you're all expecting a baseball take, an April Fool's joke or some comment on the Oscars. Since I'm running out of space, I'll sum up all three for you. Baseball: The Yankees over the Braves AGAIN. (Oh yeah, Tony Gwynn is a baseball immortal and Trevor Hoffman is still that baddest mother fucker on earth.) April Fool's: With Vince McMahon buying the WCW, Ted Tuner, looking for new investments will buy the XPW and make Thomas Zupko his personal valet/bitch. Oscars: The Britney Pepsi was a lot more interesting than the Oscars, but how can we ever forget Jennifer Lopez proving she's more than just a chick with a great ass.
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